Somewhere back in the archives of this blog, I wrote about some of the goals I set for myself to accomplish. They were personal things…. No, I didn’t want to become President of the United States…although now I sort of wish I had. Surely, nothing or nobody could be worse than what we have now (Summer, 2020). And, I didn’t want to become rich. Come on…. We knew that was not going to happen. I worked in public education. And the odds of winning Mega Millions is something like 240 million to one…. Not exactly a good way to plan for retirement. No, I had no desire to be famous. Probably too many people know me already.

The things that I wanted to do were simple things…. Well, relatively speaking, anyway. They were activities that I hoped would enrich my life…make it more fun….more enjoyable…more well rounded. Let’s see if I can even recall what they were: learn to play racquetball, learn to play golf, run for a public office, become somewhat good at making stained glass, visit all fifty states..…

There were others, too. These are the ones that come to mind. Surprise, surprise…. I accomplished all of these. Sort of like….been there…done that. I mean…. Look at them. They are all rather simple. Also on the list…. I think they call it a bucket list today….was learning to play the drums. I am not talking about learning to play “a drum”. I wanted to have an entire set of drums sitting there in front me: maybe four or five snare drums, a bass drum, cymbals, a triangle…..the entire thing. And I would be sitting there behind them….really jamming out. Mr. Cool.

Also on the list was my desire to work with metal art…..to become a metal artist. Like make neat sculptures, statues, collages…. Just weld pieces of junk together….and the result would be a work of art to be admired by…. well, probably just I….but I hope….everybody.

Alas…. Unfortunately, I never accomplished these last two projects….these last two dreams….. At least, not yet! It wasn’t that I didn’t want to….or that I gave up….or that I became lazy or lost the desire. If I were still living on the Darrah Ranch in Ozawkie, you can bet that I would be doing both of them. Up there in the great outdoors, I had plenty of space. You know, like the old song says, “Give me land….lots of land… Don’t fence me in.”

Here at Darrah Tower….Space…. Proximity…. Neighbors…. Those are the problems. In Ozawkie, I had a garage and a covered patio that would have been ideal for welding. I could have welded away to my heart’s content, and probably would have never caught anything on fire….. Probably…. Maybe….. The drum set? Same thing. Well, I probably would not have put the drums outside on the patio. But the garage? Sure. The back bedroom. Why not? I could have shoved them to the side when Sultan or Fayez were there.

My front yard….and side yard….and back yard….I owned an acre and a half of land….would have been crowded with unusual and eye-catching metal sculptures. An artistic junkyard. Not only would I have welded stuff together….I would also have painted them. It would have been a colorful sight to behold….maybe even a tourist attraction. Who knows? My neighbors could have quit their jobs and set up concession and souvenir stands and made a fortune.

On the other hand…. I am not sure if Jefferson County has some sort of zoning law or junk yard law…. I could have donated my works of art to museums around the world. Surely, they would appreciate them. I could have sold them on the Internet. Just bring the money….and haul them away.

As for the drums…. Of course, I would have formed a band. I never got the chance to find out, but I can imagine that drums make better band instruments than they do solo instruments. Stop and think of the possibilities….there on my dead-end road. We could have formed all sorts of musical combinations: Beryl and The Hick-Hops; Beryl and the Redneck Band; Beryl and the Hayseeds; Beryl and the Country Bumpkins…. Well, you get the idea, don’t you? And, I hope that you noticed that I kept myself separate from the band…. I am none of those things. But, that’s the thing about playing the drums: It probably isn’t a lot of fun just sitting there banging on the drums all day long. There has to be other people around to join in.

At any rate, the point is: I could have taken up either of these hobbies had I continued to live at the Darrah Ranch. I already had found someone to teach me weld….several people, in fact. Welding machines, or whatever they are called, really don’t cost very much….if one buys a cheap one. And, you can bet I would have bought a cheap one….at least, not the most expensive. I have used soldering irons for years, so I think I already understood the basic principles. And…. I know plenty of farmers who would have gladly given me old “junk” that they would otherwise have to dispose of. In fact, some of these very people were among those who told me they would teach me to weld. And out there….. What could I burn down? Oh yes…. My house. More than likely, I would have done all the welding out on the patio, though. And, it would be rather difficult to burn the patio.

Here in Topeka at Darrah Tower, it isn’t quite that simple or uncomplicated…. I have neighbors….nice neighbors….living on both sides of me. For sure, the units are very soundproof. My neighbors never disturb me….never. And, I do not want to….and I will not….be the “bad” neighbor. Anyway, in our rather lengthy homeowners association contract, there is a clause about noise. I don’t know…. Maybe I should go ahead and buy a drum set. If I am lucky, the townhouses are soundproof enough that the sound will not be heard. Or maybe the neighbors will like my playing so much that they want to come over and join in. But…. If that is not the case: Are you in the market for a cool set of drums? Or, on the other hand, maybe I can form a “neighborhood band”….and we all get together a few times a week and make noise and annoy each other….and perhaps drown out some of the ubiquitous hip-hop, jungle noise which is the only music we seem to hear around here.

The welding and the construction of metal art? Just look in almost every high school industrial arts building. They have individual welding stations….and there is rarely, if ever, a fire. I am about 99% convinced that I can construct a welding station in the basement that will be perfectly fireproof…perfectly safe…. Well, 80% sure, at least. And, I am also 110% sure that I will be kicked out of my townhouse if the manager would ever find out!

So, for right now, at least, those two items on my “bucket list” have been moved to the bottom….down with playing the organ at the Mormon Tabernacle and touring with Willie Nelson and winning Mega Millions.

Still very much on the list is learning to make pottery…. Yeah, making things like cups, plates, bowls, vases and odd little statues. Stuff that just sits around the house on a shelf collecting dust….stuff that I can give as gifts to people “who have everything”. Yeah…. I would have no objection if some of them would some day show up in a museum or an art gallery….or find their way into a fine arts auction at Christy’s Auction House or Southeby’s…. May as well hope for the best.

Actually, believe it or not (and most people don’t, by the way), I tried it once….and it just didn’t work. That was back when I was working with stained glass….back when I would drive over to Holton High School once a week where my friend Judy Swisher taught me the basics….and then said, “Go do your thing. If you need help….just ask.” Well, I did my “thing” for ten or twelve years…and enjoyed every minute of it.

One night she asked me if maybe….perhaps….I would be interested in learning to make pottery. Sure…. Why not? Well…. OK. There was a high school kid….one of her art students….there helping a boy scout or girl scout troop make some simple pottery. She “volunteered” him to give me a lesson. Poor kid. He didn’t have a lot of choice. This guy was only a junior in high school. He didn’t even have his PhD in pottery making yet! After about 30 or 45 minutes, it became rather obvious that it was going take more than an hour for me to become a world-class potter. He said something like, “You like K.U., don’t you? Why don’t you just make the letters ‘K.U’.?” That sounded good enough to me! And, I can also imagine that he was also thinking, “….And this guy has a degree in education?”

 

 

 

But, that one failed attempt fired an interest in making pottery. The problem was….finding a place where I can make it and a teacher to teach me….a patient, long-suffering teacher. Back in the “old days” (and you may notice that everything took place in the “old days”) the Topeka-Shawnee County Parks and Recreation Commission offered a million pottery classes… Well, maybe not a million, but at least, two or three each session. I am not sure if it is due to a shortage of clay…or lack of teachers….or lack of interest. But, today they offer “zero”….that is 0….classes. However, I am going to keep looking, and with some good fortune, maybe I can move pottery making back up the list. I have even considered putting an ad on Craig’s List….or on Facebook… However, one never knows who is going to answer those ads. I am just slightly apprehensive that some weirdo will respond. I know enough weirdos without adding another one.

So…. After all these false leads….after all these disappointments…. Did I ever find a hobby? Was it just something that I had to settle on? Was it really something I wanted to do? Is it something that I am really good at? The answers are: Yes…No….Yes….and No…. “Good” is a relative term….very subjective…. rather personal. I mean…. I don’t want to brag. But, if you want to…..You are certainly welcome to do so.

Actually, I am not even sure when I became interested in abstract painting….modern art….impressionism…. Call it whatever you want. I really don’t. It has been a long time, though. Maybe it was the first time I saw a Jackson Pollock painting…or a Claude Monet….. For as long as I can remember, this has really been the only art I have really found fascinating. I remember back when I was in high school and college, one of my aunts used to buy the “painting on velvet” paintings. She used to show it to me….tell me how beautiful it was….almost with tears in her eyes. Things like flowers, sunsets, tigers…. And, she also had a thing about what were called “Praying Hands”. I certainly have nothing against praying hands. In fact, I am all for them. But….as an art form, it just doesn’t get me excited.

I had some friends….still have them…..who were so enamored with the “Precious Moments” figurines that they would actually drive down to somewhere in rural Missouri to the factory. Those trips were the highlights of their year. And, this couple were the “football captain and cheerleader” type. Again… That’s OK. Everybody likes what he likes. Oh…. By the way, he was the same person who came up to my car one day while I was listening to a Beethoven symphony and said, “How can you stand to listen to that junk?” I could have just as well replied, “It is a hundred times better than the low class, obnoxious, noise you listen to.” And maybe I should have added, “And, don’t you think Precious Moments figurines are a little bit…well, feminine….for a big tough football player?” But…. I didn’t. Everybody likes what he likes. Some people just have less respect for other people….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Well…. Anyway…. I am not a landscape, portrait, flowers, sunset, cityscape type of person. I have a camera….actually more than one….and I can take pictures of all that stuff….and good pictures, too. Just check them out under another section of this web page. If I want pictures of that kind of stuff….and I often do….I can go take pictures. No….. I like the kind of art that I have to create….that I have to imagine…that I have to feel…..

I bought the acrylic paint and the brushes and the canvasses (I started out on artist’s paper, though.) at least a year before I actually even painted my first brush stroke. I kept asking myself, “How hard can it be to make an abstract painting? I mean…. I can’t really make a mistake. I can just say that it was the way I had intended it to be. And nobody will ever know….or can ever prove….otherwise.” So I ordered a set of acrylic paints from Amazon. They come in tubes….at least, the kind I use do. There were probably 8 or 10 tubes….all different colors. At that point, I had nothing in mind to paint, so I just covered all the bases…..a little of everything…..colors ranging from (no kidding) white to black….and everything in between. I was prepared to paint everything from a blizzard to “Midnight Madness.” Except I still didn’t have any idea what I was going to paint.

 

 

 

 

 

The brushes? Not a clue. I saw a collection of brushes….also on Amazon….and figured, “There are a bunch of them, so surely one of them will be right.” On the other hand, maybe I should have just used my fingers…. At that point, that is the level I was at in my knowledge of painting. Kids do it all the time. Why couldn’t….or shouldn’t….I?

Maybe the biggest concern…..biggest puzzle is a more apt description….was “what kind of material should I paint on?”. Maybe I should have worried about what kind of paint to use. I didn’t even stop and think about that. Water colors? Messy….and it looked like it would be difficult to paint over, if I made a mistake. On the other hand, like I have said before…. Who makes a mistake with abstract painting? Will anybody ever know? Oil paint? Once I saw how much oil paint costs, I scratched that from the list immediately. There was tempera. That is what kids use….and I saw too much of that when I was teaching. The paint covered hands….and face….and arms….and clothing….. Not to mention the mess that it left behind, at least with kids. Paint everywhere….except where it belongs, in some cases. And, then I would need a place to hang it up to dry…. Yeah…. That is why I chose acrylic paint….mostly out of ignorance and economy and cleanliness.

Back to what to paint on. I have been to dozens of art galleries…. Famous ones. The Louvre in Paris….twice, for example, just to drop one famous name. I knew about canvass, wood, and all that stuff. All of that seemed so permanent….so expensive, especially for an amateur…..a beginner. I wasn’t eager to invest a lot of money in that sort of stuff until (1) I found out that I liked to paint and (2) I found out if I was any good at it. Well….I can tell you that I did like it. You can answer the second question yourself. I went to one of the local arts and craft stores just to look and see what is available.

As happens frequently with me…. As I was walking up and down the aisles, looking at this, looking at that….picking up this…picking up that….and putting it back down….art paper, canvass, poster paper…A kindly middle age woman….at least, I think she was trying to be kind….asked me if I was a painter. I told her that I was thinking about starting…. Then she proceeded to educate me on her views of how I should get started. She told me that she had been painting for several year….and that she used a variety of paints: water color, acrylic, oils…. I told her that I had already bought several tubes of acrylic paints…. “Good choice,” she told me. That sort of took care of that. She then showed me some “books” of heavy artist paper. Although that kind of paper was primarily intended for water color, she said that she strongly recommended that I start with it. “It will work just as well with acrylics,” she said. Like any obedient “student”, I thanked her for her kind, but unsolicited, advice, did as she told me to do….and bought a “book” of heavy art paper. So…. I went back home with a book of artists paper….maybe each sheet being 15×12 inches or something like that.

 

 

 

 

 

I had everything I needed to start my destiny as an artist. Almost everything….everything but the motivation and ambition to start. Quite frankly, I had no idea how to start painting. I watched a couple videos on You Tube. Well…I started watching them, but not for very long. They started explaining the theory and history of painting…. That is not what I wanted to know….or needed to know. Another explained how to mix paints to achieve various colors. That didn’t seem very relevant, either, especially when there are two local craft stores that sell approximately one million different colors….at least, it seems like it. I am 99% sure that I would never in a hundred years ever come up with the exact same color if I started mixing paint together.

So, I did what I am fairly good at doing…. I put the book of painting paper on the shelf with the tubes of paint and the brushes, and decided to “do it later”.

For me, just getting started is difficult….no matter what it is. My next concern….some people might call it an excuse….was: What am I going to paint? I had already made up my mind that I was not going to simply copy something. Not that I am good at copying that kind of thing. Chances are nobody would ever suspect that I had even tried to copy….even with the two paintings lying side by side. I am sure that I have less talent for copying than I have for simply painting something from my imagination. No…. My paintings were going to be original. That didn’t stop me from looking through dozens….maybe even hundreds…..of abstract paintings that have been posted online. And, of course, I thought about the countless paintings that Sebastian and I had seen while we were wandering through art galleries in Berlin and Munich.

 

 

 

 

 

You know, everybody jokes about abstract painting….how everybody and anybody can do it….how it looks like something a first grader painted. I certainly have heard….and probably made….such comments. Maybe to some extent it is true. However, when I sat down to paint, it wasn’t like that. Of course, I could have just slapped some paint on the paper or on the canvass, but that is not painting. I wanted my paintings to have some sort of cohesion…some sort of unifying factor….some sort of sense that it was actually a painting. And, for me, that is difficult. And, I know I have not achieved that level yet. I am still working on it. I think the hardest part of the painting is just getting started….where to start….what colors to use….what the first brush stroke is going to be….

I always have a “concept”. But, I think I am correct in saying that none of my paintings have ever…never….turned out the way I originally envisioned them. I inevitably ended up making major alterations. However, that doesn’t bother me at all. What was important is just getting started. Once the painting is started…..even, once the painting is completed…. I had a much clearer vision of what I wanted. Maybe it is sort of like writing a first draft of a story or an essay. Once something was been written on paper, the changes….the improvements…..the refinements….become easier and more obvious. After I have finished the “first draft” of a painting, I just leave it lying on the dining room table….my painting station. Every time I walk past it, I glance at it….or even stop and look at it….contemplate it. Or sometimes, I will go ahead and hang it on the wall in a place where I can see it. If I sit back and say, “Wow…. That’s not so bad.” I just leave it alone. But, usually, a time comes when I look at it, and suddenly I think, “Ah, ha. Now I know what I want to do.”

That is one of the advantages I have of not knowing anything about painting! I can just keep changing it until I come up with something I like. I never feel defeated….or discouraged…. I know I can just keep messing with the painting….experimenting….fiddling around with it….until I come up with something that I at least halfway like. I don’t have anybody to please except myself. In fact, right now there are three paintings hanging on a wall that I am going to change. I haven’t decided how. But, I am going to change them….. And, when I finish, not only will a person never recognize them….but they are going to look better. Some people may say this is cheating. I say it is making them look better…. Who can say when a painting is really finished?

It is not like a photograph. Once it is taken, that is it. It’s taken. Yeah…. One can Photoshop it….adjust the colors….crop it. Now…. That, I think, is more like cheating! Changing something that “is” to something that “isn’t”. A photograph is a definite thing. Take a pictures of building. There it is. It is real. It is a definite thing….a certain size, color, shape… at that point in time. You can’t change that. Somebody can come along later and paint it….tear it down….make it larger….. But, at that exact time… That is the way the building looks. That is reality.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now…. My imagination. It changes constantly. That is sort of what imagination is all about. And, that is what my paintings are all about…. They evolve… It seems to take forever to come up with a “concept”. It is sort of like getting into my car and trying to decide, “Where do I want to go?” or at least, “What direction to I want to head?” I have done this a lot during this coronavirus disease we are going through now. With so many places closed, I just get in my car and drive around….somewhere. Usually, the trip ends up with a purpose or a destination, but I often do not know what the purpose or destination is until I am well into the trip. Most of the time, it is an adventure, and I am satisfied with my afternoon excursion. I usually see things I have never seen before….go places where I would not ordinarily go…. I have never gotten lost…. I have always made it back home. Interesting…. This is most often also a description of the way I paint.

 

 

 

 

 

Before I started painting…..such as it is….I looked up all sorts of information on the Internet about mixing colors. That was pretty much a waste of time. Yeah…. I know, Bob Ross spent a lot of time mixing paint: a little of this….a little of that….. Bob Ross, however, was an artist. He knew what he was doing. On the other hand, I am just a painter! And, to me, at least, there is a big difference. Probably anybody with a tube of paint and a brush can be a “painter”. I think it takes something more special….like talent….to be an “artist”. You can bet that nobody will ever accuse me of being an “artist”. There would certainly never be enough evidence of convince a jury of that. Anyway, as I said, there are a million different colors of paint to choose from. I am not going to waste my time and effort mixing paint.

Finally, that fateful, momentous night arrived. I double folded a sheet of butcher paper and put it on the dining room table. I got a glass of hot water to rinse the brushes. I laid the tubes of paint in front of me. I put the brushes in a glass so I could have ready access to them. I tore a sheet from the tablet of artist’s paper. I took a deep breath. And, I made the first brush stroke. I had begun to paint.

I squeezed out a little bit of paint onto a makeshift pallet…actually a piece of an old book shelf. My first paintings were strictly the placement of colors on the sheet of artist’s paper. Actually, the very first painting featured the initials of a friend of mine, Fayez. As you will readily see, it is not very memorable…not very “professional”…..actually, not very good. It was a start. Now I knew what I was up against. All of those “anybody can do it paintings” became a myth to me. I found out in a hurry that it was more difficult that I had expected…..or imagined. Yes, anybody can “do” it if the only intention is to slash paint onto a canvass…..or in my case….a sheet of artist’s paper.

 

 

 

Now, I have been painting for more than a year. Do I still like it? Yes. Have I gotten any better at it? Well….. In my own opinion, the answer is “Yes”. And, I suppose that is the only opinion that matters. I don’t really know what other people think…..nor do I really care. This is “My” hobby. I do it for myself….not for others. I am the only critic that I listen to. Now that I think about it, nobody has told me that they do not like my paintings. They are probably too polite…..and do not want to hurt my fragile ego! Or maybe they are afraid that I will hit them over their head with one of the paintings. Who knows? Who cares?

 

As time as progressed and as I have become more comfortable painting, I have made some changes in my approach and method of painting. As I indicated, in the beginning, I squeezed a small amount of paint onto a makeshift pallet, and then took the paint from the pallet. This worked….and still works. Using this method, however, produces a “flat” or one dimensional painting. There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, it may be the most common way of painting. I have ever taken a survey or even paid a lot of attention to it. Certainly it is the most common method with water colors…..probably the only possible method.

Somehow, in a moment of inspiration or madness, one night I asked myself, “I wonder what would happen if I would just squeeze the paint directly onto the canvass?” I tried it….and guess what? I liked it. Applying the paint directly to the canvass creates a three-dimensional effect. There is more of a textured quality to the painting. Since acrylic paint can have more than one layer, this makes it easy paint over. Normally, now I lay down the basic colors first by applying the paint directly to the canvass, making sure that there is enough paint to create the three dimensional textured effect. Applying layers of paint on top of the bottom or basic layer does not diminish that effect.

After I have applied the initial basic layer of paint….or paints….to the canvass, I leave it to dry. Normally, I paint at night, so this usually means that the canvass simply lies on the table until the following night. I suppose I could sit there and wait for it to dry….. But, watching paint dry is not high on the list of most exciting….or useful….things to do. Mostly when I apply the “basic coat” of paint, it is green (for a field) or blue (for a sky) or some other basic element of the painting. Speaking for myself, it is much easier, less time consuming, and more practical to paint the large, more pervasive areas first. Since it is fairly easy to add multiple layers to acrylic, it makes more sense to me to paint the large, basic area of color first. After all, the ground is covered with grass….and the flowers grow out of the grass. The sky is blue; the gray clouds are below the sky. As for trees, well….the grow out of the ground and tower against the blue sky. It doesn’t make a lot of sense to paint the flowers….or the trees….or the clouds….first and then try to fill in the sky or the grass around them. At least, in my hopefully sane mind it doesn’t.

 

 

 

 

There is a problem with painting multiple layers, however…..one that I was not aware of and that I had never even thought of. Actually, it took me a while….and I am talking two or three paintings….to realize or understand. Well… I still don’t understand it, but at least, I am aware of it.

Always when I start painting a new picture, I use bright colors….happy colors….nice blue, green, yellow, red, orange…. I like bright, colorful, upbeat pictures. I like pictures that are pleasant to look at….uplifting, and maybe even inspiring. Never mind that my paintings are abstract. They can still be cheerful and satisfying.

A lot of people ask, “What is that supposed to be?”
“I don’t know? What do you want it to be?”

 

 

 

Actually, it isn’t supposed to be anything! It is just a painting. It isn’t my job to tell you what “it is”. I am content to let it be anything you want it to be. When I start an abstract painting, I don’t say stuff like, “I am going to paint this….or paint that…..” What would be the use? The painting rarely, if ever, turns out the way it started anyway. In my case, I would probably tell myself, “OK, today I am going to paint “A joyous day at the beach.” Believe me…. By the time I finish the painting, it would look more like “A night in a spooky forest!”

Getting back to my original point….. Like the sun suddenly breaking through the clouds, it dawned on me that the more layers I use…..even layers of bright, cheerful colors….the darker the painting becomes. It doesn’t seem to matter how sunny or cheery the colors are….. The more of them that are layered on top of each other, the darker the painting is going to become. It took a while for this to finally sink into my brain, but once it did crack my cranium, it proved to be a useful lesson. I also found that the colors become darker when the paint is applied directly to the canvass…..as opposed brushing them on from a pallet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When you look at the examples of my paintings, please take this into consideration! No…. I was not angry at the world. No…. I was not in a bad mood….. No….. I was not subconsciously expressing any dark hostile feelings! I simply kept putting too many layers of paint, one on top of another. In some cases, I was probably trying to “lighten up” the painting. Instead, I kept making it darker. I suppose this sort of supports the old saying, “Too much a good thing is often not so good.” Or something like that. I think part of the problem is that sometimes, I simply do not know when to quit….to let well enough alone.

There is another lesson I learned purely by accident. Yellow is by far the most difficult color to wash out of a brush. Yellow brightens up almost any picture. Why shouldn’t it? We color the sun yellow. We color flowers yellow…..and autumn leaves…..and ribbons…..even baby chickens. For that matter, we often refer to cowards as being “Yellow”, although I have not painted anything like this yet. Yes…. Yellow can be a very useful color. As I painted more and more pictures, I got to the point where even though yellow is a “friendly” color, it rapidly became my enemy….or at least, a color with which I was not on very friendly terms. It is much like one of those people who always smiles at you, always seems friendly to your face….but you later find has been spreading gossip behind your back.

 

 

 

My first paintings were very primitive. Yeah…. I suppose one could say even child-like. I had no idea what I was doing….probably still don’t….so I just sort of randomly put paint on paper, so to speak. A little bit of red here…. Some blue there….a bit of orange over here….maybe a dash of black…. As painting became more “familiar” I became more comfortable. I didn’t say I became better…..just more comfortable. I tried to arrange colors in a semi-pleasing manner….pleasing to me, at least….but still always in a more or less random manner. Some of them looked pretty good….some not so good. I have never thrown away a painting. I have painted over some of them….these are probably the ones that look so dark!

 

 

 

After a while, I made the audaciously bold choice to paint some rather abstract semi-landscapes. I really didn’t know what I was doing. I didn’t let that stop me, though…. With a lot of experimentation….and a lot of over-painting….I finally was sort of like Brigham Young when he said: “This is the painting!” I actually gave a couple of them away… No, I did not have to pay somebody to take them. They actually asked for them. Of course, I am not sure they actually realized they were paintings of landscapes, however. It is OK with me that both of them are probably being used to frighten away strangers….or mice. At least, they are being put to a good use.

One day I thought, “Ahhhh… I wonder if I can paint some abstract flowers?” Everybody likes flowers. Even I like flowers…. I like them in nature, but not in paintings. I have a camera. I can take pictures of flowers, if I want to…..and I do not! But, abstract flowers? Sure. Why not? Abstract flowers do not grow in nature. I can sort of make them any kind of flower I want. Which, translated, means: They probably really aren’t flowers at all. Even better. Then nobody can tell me they have never seen that kind of flower before. Of course not, stupid! They are “abstract” flowers. I was reasonably pleased with the results. And, remember: I am the only audience I have to please.

 

 

 

I am not about to sit around all day and paint flowers. A couple paintings was enough of that.

Maybe you can see that I was getting a little bored. I wanted to branch out….maybe combine a little bit of realism with the abstract. I started thinking. What else am I capable of drawing. It has to be something simple, something very basic. The truth of the matter is, as the old saying goes: I can’t even draw flies! “You know,” I thought, “Maybe I can paint a picture with sailboats. How hard can it be to draw a simple little sailboat?” The results weren’t half bad….and again, I am speaking as an audience of one. In fact, I was encouraged. Maybe I will make a career of painting little sailboats. Sailboats in the ocean; sailboats in a lake; sailboats in a pond; sailboats in a river…. The possibilities are endless.

Another of my misguided ideas was to paint pictures of barns….or old houses. Same difference, except for a couple windows and a door…..and maybe a chimney. Actually I tried this. My mistake was that I got overconfident. I was starting to think that maybe I could actually draw a real picture! I gave the first barn picture to a friend for Christmas. I hope he knows it is a barn…. He looked rather puzzled when I gave it to him. I began to think: I can do better than that. So, I painted another “barn” picture in which I was going to correct all the “mistakes” I made in the first one. But, the old urge took over again. I simply could not let well enough alone! I added a little paint here….a little there…. I added a field…..and some flowers….and a path….and a little of this…..and a little of that….just to cheer it up, make it a little “happier”.

Yeah…. You are right. The more I added, the darker and gloomier the picture became. Actually, the finished product looks like it could be an illustration in some horror movie….or an Edgar Allen Poe story…..or maybe a dark Gothic novel…. I had intended it to be a pleasant, bucolic picture….a picture of rural tranquility and bliss. Instead, it has a dark, even sinister quality. This is one of the paintings that is probably a candidate for “repainting”. Or maybe I will simply add a couple werewolves or wild animals in the background and let it be.

One would think that I would just give up on the barns and move on to something else. But, No. Not me. “I am going to get this right even if I have to paint a dozen of these.” People have sometimes said that I am stubborn. I prefer to think of it as determination or perseverance. Those words sound better. Nevertheless, I started painting another barn picture. This time I took all the colors that I thought could possibly be interpreted as “dark colors”, put them into a box and put them away….out of sight. I was left with only pastel colors to work with. This painting, I was firmly determined, was not going to be another sinister Gothic-type painting.

And, I am pleased to say, it wasn’t. But, on the other hand, it looks very much like it could have been painted by a fourth or fifth grade student during recess on a rainy day. I was tempted to go find the darker paint….and touch it up….obscure it a little bit….make it look less like a “picture”. But, I didn’t. I hung it on the wall. This picture is also an excellent….and likely….candidate to eventually be painted over…..or at the very least, I might try to “abstract” it a little bit. In the meantime, if people ask about it, I will tell them that my ten year old great-great nephew painted it…gave it to his parents…..they didn’t want it…..so they gave it to good old Uncle Beryl!

Even though I was not ecstatic with the results of the paintings, the effort that I spent with the barns and the flowers and the ships was a valuable lesson. The lesson? Don’t waste time trying to do things that I already know I had no talent or aptitude for. I think I got a little over-confident….or maybe a better word would be arrogant….and just assumed that the talent or the ability to actually paint “things” would somehow magically appear. If this was the case, I certainly proved it to be a false assumption. I can throw a football. But can I become an NFL quarterback? I can put a bandage on a cut. Does that make ma a doctor? I can build a bookcase. Maybe I can become a construction engineer? No…. All of these are rather far fetched assumptions. Believe me…. None of them will ever happen.

That’s OK. I am going back to my “roots”, so to speak. I only “planted” the idea about painting two years ago. It is one of those fast-growing “plants”. I told you in one of these chapters that while I was in South Vietnam, a plant or little tree might be a twelve inches tall one day….and the next day is might be a couple feet tall. I don’t know if this illustration entirely fits….. Probably not. But I am going to use this analogy for my painting. It is also true that if you plant a rose bush, it is going to always be a rose bush…..and it is not miraculously going to turn into an oak tree. So, I don’t know why I thought that all of a sudden I could start drawing “pictures”. It just didn’t happen. From now on I am going to stick pretty close to painting abstract stuff….or expressionism….. or modern art….of whatever one wants to call it. When I want a picture of something, I will take it with my camera.

There are a couple things that I need to do if I am going to continue painting. One is to get another, more suitable, place to paint. Right now the painting supplies and assorted paraphernalia have invaded and occupied the dining room table. It is a good thing I only use the table for one meal a year….Thanksgiving dinner. I am hoping that someday I can remedy this by moving the painting operation to the basement. First, however, I have to vastly improve the lighting in the basement. Currently the amount of light in the basement closely resembles that of a medieval dungeon. Adding some additional lights….and some electrical sockets…. Would make the basement a suitable art studio…..just in case anybody ever happens to call me an artist. Plus, a sink with running hot water will also be necessary. With some good fortune, both of these improvements could happen.

As it is, there is a double layer of butcher paper on the table to protect it…..and a table cloth, of course, which is stained with paint. There is paint on the chairs, too. With some hard work and a good cleaning product, chances are good that the paint can be removed from the table and chairs. Sandpaper can always be used as a desperate last resort. I can’t say the same thing for my clothing, however. Back in the beginning, it never occurred to me that I might get paint on my clothes. It was something that I never considered. Painting a picture is not exactly the same as painting a house. But, I was wrong. My black t-shirt has several colorful reminders of my carelessness on it. “The paint will probably wash out when I do the laundry,” I thought. That was wishful thinking for sure! Acrylic paint may be water soluble when it is still wet….on a hard surface. Take it from me: It is not water soluble when it is painted on cloth. I learned that the hard way. No big deal. I will simply use this t-shirt as my “painting shirt”. Yes…. That was a rather resourceful idea. A resourceful idea only if I can remember to wear that shirt when I paint. But, sometimes, I didn’t. Absent mindedly, I would sit down at the table and start painting only to look down a few minutes later to see that I had gotten paint on the shirt I happen to be wearing. I would silently….or sometimes out loud….say a few choice words. But, the damage had been done. Guess what? Now I have another “painting shirt”! After accumulating three “painting shirts”….paint splattered shirts…. and a few more that have almost become painting shirts, my brain has finally awakened sufficiently to remind me to change shirts …..or condemn myself to constantly looking like some sort of dirty old man who doesn’t own any clean shirts. Another alternative, I suppose, would be to hang the shirts on the wall and make them part of the art work….and believe me, some of them look almost as good.

There isn’t a lot more to say. For as long as I enjoy doing it, I will keep painting. It is an interesting and enjoyable activity….and there is a tangible result. I may not like the result, but nevertheless I have a product to account for my efforts. As I have explained, if I am not happy with a painting, there is always a second….or even a third….opportunity to alter it and hopefully transform it into a form that does satisfy me. You have heard the old saying, “If once you don’t succeed, try, try again.” In this case, it really works.

One unforeseen problem….other than ruining shirts….has sort of cropped up. Maybe it really isn’t a “problem” in a negative sense. It is still a matter that I had not anticipated in advance. Do the math….something that I neglected to do: Let’s just suppose that I were able and willing to paint one picture a day. That would man I would paint 365 (and 1/4, if we want to be technical!) pictures each year! Can you imagine that? I can….but I don’t want to. Or, to scale it down a bit, let’s suppose I would paint one pictures each week. That is well within a reasonable possibility. I would be producing 52 paintings each year. That is still a lot of paintings. In fact, it is still too many paintings. As you can imagine, there is no way that I can deal with 365 paintings. Fifty-two paintings? That is only theoretically one seventh of that total. Still…. I would have to own a mansion to display all those pictures. No…. I would have to own a large gymnasium with no windows…..or a building with almost endless hallways. If you passed sixth grade math, you are already starting to see the problem. Consequently, I have had to scale down on the number of paintings. Since I plan to live about twenty more years, I could potentially have more than enough paintings to supply a good sized art gallery.

Back when I was still living in Ozawkie, my vision was rather small. I bought one book of artist’s paper, ten or twelve tubes of paint and a few brushes. I had no idea it would mushroom in the conglomeration of painting supplies that I have today. I have never taken the time to count, but I estimate that I have somewhere around seventy-five or eighty tubes of paint. I buy canvasses in packs of 5, mostly because they are cheaper. At the time I am writing this, I have a reserve of three packages of canvasses….. fifteen total. Brushes…. I have no idea. Maybe twenty-five or thirty. On the other hand, there is nothing like being prepared.

When I speak of canvasses, of course, I am referring to pre-stretched, already framed canvass. I don’t buy a big roll of tent canvass or anything like that. So far, I have only used 16×20 inches canvass. These seem to be manageable, and maybe most of all, they are available…..and they are relatively inexpensive. Someday, if I get really brave….and motivated….I may move up to the next size. And, I have no idea what that size will be. Of course, that adds to the problem I mentioned earlier. If having too many 16×20 canvasses is a problem…. What would I do with even larger ones?

But, I am optimistic. We know that artist, Grandma Moses was in her seventies or eighties when she started painting and gained fame as an artist. In fact, for several years, her paintings were a hot commodity. Owning a “Grandma Moses” was a much sought after status symbol. For you younger readers….or for you uncivilized art non-lovers….check it out. You’ll see. Of course, Grandma Moses painted folk art. That’s OK… No big deal.

I am hopeful that maybe someday, maybe I will become the “Uncle Beryl”……of abstract art. Yes, I know that I said that the only person I try to please with my paintings is myself. That is true….and will always be true. But, surely it is true that if I like them….. other people will like them, too. I am a fairly typical person….maybe a little more discerning or sophisticated than some people. So, if, by chance, you happen to be walking through an art gallery or art museum….let’s say in New York City or Paris or London….or even Kansas City….it is possible that you may stop suddenly and exclaim, “I have seen that painting before! That is an ‘Uncle Beryl’!”

Then you can turn to the person next to you and say, with an air of superiority, “I know that guy!”

If you happen to be one of those fortunate, chosen people who have already received a painting as a gift, my advice is: Hold on to it….at least until you are ready to retire. Then you can sell it and live in luxury during your senior citizen years.

Until that time arrives, however, I will continue to press on, turning out abstract paintings. Until I can find a good pottery class, at least.