Almost every year I go to an institution in Hutchinson. No…..it is not the one most people probably think I should be going to. Sorry. Almost every year, I go to the Kansas State Fair. This venerable institution was first held September 13 – 20, 1913. That is 101 years ago…..even before I was born. There were various forms of the Fair even before that…..but the first “official” Kansas State Fair debuted in 1913.

Forty-five of our fifty states have state fairs. State Fairs are a yearly showcase to display the recreational, educational, commercial, entertainment……and in Kansas, especially, the agricultural….resources of the state. There is something for everybody…..whether you go only to have fun or only to learn or only to look…..or all of the above.

As a lifelong resident of Kansas, I have probably been to the State Fair 40 times…..and maybe more. It has been too long ago to remember the first time I went to the Fair. But I am not too old to remember that it was a truly exciting day…..a day that I eagerly anticipated days in advance. I would have said “weeks in advance”…..but back in those younger days, I doubt if I ever anticipated anything that far in advance. This was before the days of television and its advertising blitzes. And if I didn’t see it on TV….how else would I have known about it? My parents….and most other parents….had too many other things to think about than to hear me constantly asking, “When is the Fair?” or “Can I go to the Fair this year?” Most parents probably felt the same. It was simply easier that way. You know….the old “What you don’t know, won’t hurt you” law. I can well imagine that there were years when I didn’t even know the State Fair was taking place until a day or two before we went.

After I started to school, school was dismissed one day during the State Fair, so everybody could go on the same day….instead of a several kids being absent on several different days. Even then, I don’t think they told us until a day or two before “Fair Day”. Or maybe they did…..and I simply wasn’t paying attention. One thing I do remember, though….is that we….my brothers and sisters….were wild with excitement when we woke on the morning of Fair Day.

Having arrived at the Fair grounds, my younger brother and I were usually placed under the charge of our older sisters…..which essentially meant that we were at their mercy in what we looked and what we did. And, of course, there was the matter of our budget….our very limited budget. In those days, a couple dollars was a fortune…..and with careful management, would last all day.

But…..there were still major decisions to be made. Which carnival rides should we ride on? Which trinkets should be buy? Which junk food should we buy? Which side shows should we look at? There were side shows exhibiting all sorts of weird stuff: Two headed this, the smallest that, the tallest this, six legged that. Women who could ties themselves into knots. You name it……and there was a huckster advertising it. Of course, then like now, most of the stuff was fake. But we were kids; we were gullible; we were in a strange, exotic environment. And, these were major decisions to be made back in that day and age. Keep in mind that this was long before TV; long before cheap merchandise and video games started to be thrown at kids a hundred times a day on mindless kid shows. This was decades before the Internet and You Tube….where nothing is secret or mysterious any longer. The Fair was a captivating, once-a-year extravaganza……and we wanted to take full advantage of it.

Another not-to-be-missed event at the State Fair was the live performances by the troops of staff entertainers from various radio stations from across the state…..especially radio station WIBW in Topeka. The radio station employed an assemblage of entertainers ranging from country-western singers, pop singers, instrumentalists….and comedians. This was before the time of the formula-stations…..the format stations…..where recorded music is played twenty-four hours a day. Most of their programming…..and by far their most popular programs…..was by the coterie of staff entertainers employed by the station.

Three hundred sixty four days a year they were disembodied voices coming out of an electronic device. But, on our day at the State Fair…..there they were……real, live people, performing on stage where people could actually see them. Today, I suppose it could be compared to going to some sort of live concert….be it either a pop concert or a country-western concert. Except this was FREE.

Remember…again….this was long before the days of TV. The listeners were free to form his own mental image of the entertainers in their own minds. After all, on the radio, the were merely voices….not pictures. I have to admit that there may have been a certain “shock value” when we actually saw the entertainers in person. Quite often, they did NOT measure up to the mental image we had formed in our minds. They were either fatter, balder, shorter, uglier than we had them pictured in our mind. I suppose that is why some people who were popular on radio never made it on TV. Image is everything these days.

Live entertainment has always been one of the allures of the State Fair. In the days before TV….before You Tube….before the Internet…..before the days of the mega-touring superstars…..the State Fair offered a once-in-a-lifetime shot at seeing a world famous entertainer who would otherwise always remain an unachievable dream. It was an event that a person could talk about….and brag about….for years to come. Even after a TV set could be found in almost every home in this country…..the stars kept coming.

Throughout the years, there have been dozens of big name acts who have performed on the stage of the Kansas State Fair. Among these headliners were The Oak Ridge Boys, Bob Hope, Roy Rogers and Dale Evans, The Beach Boys, Tony Bennett, Garth Brooks, CCR, Merle Haggard, Emmylou Harris, The Judds, Britney Spears, Kenny Rogers, Trisha Yearwood….. And, this is only scratching the surface. One of the greatest thrills of my young life was watching Roy Rogers and Dale Evans…along with Trigger….perform. Roy Rogers was one of my boyhood heroes. I thought I was in a sub-heaven somewhere!

Times change, sadly. It seems that today, only the names of yesterday come to perform. These are the performers who can no longer fill a huge stadium or arena. These are the artists who can no longer command $150 for a ticket. But, nevertheless, they still appeal to large numbers of people…..especially in rural states like Kansas, where the top-notch stars rarely venture because they do not find them to be lucrative venues.

Stock car racing was once a major attraction at the State Fair. The afternoon air was regularly disrupted by the sound of racing motors and screeching tires, and the scent of burning gasoline and diesel permeated the area around the grandstand. But, they have fallen victim to the changing tastes of the public. There is still a Demolition Derby and a tractor pull…..for those so inclined toward this form of entertainment.

Perhaps the changes are due to a growing sophistication of the Fair goers. But, never fear, there are still pig races, diving exhibitions, wine stomping contests…..and enough other various forms of entertainment to satisfy even the most redneck inclinations.

During the years while I was a classroom teacher and working as a school counselor, my motives and rationale for attending the State Fair went through a notable change. I had more or less out grown the cotton candy, merry-go-round, two-headed cow stage. It occurred to me that the State Fair was an excellent source of free material that I could use as part of my job. During my classroom teaching days I became an avid collector of every free pencil, ball point pen, ruler, yard stick, note pad, eraser…and whatever else that I could use in my classroom.

Even more valuable were free things that I could accumulate to use in my position as counselor. Almost every government agency had free information they were begging for people to take: home safety, fire safety, playground safety, traffic safety. And pamphlets and brochures about health, exercise, sleep, diet. And still more helpful information about drugs, smoking, alcohol, prescription drugs. And let’s not forget the advice about self-esteem, depression, divorce, adoption. Wow….this was all welcome stuff for me…..stuff I could with the students I saw…..stuff that I could copy because most of had no copyright…..stuff that was written especially for kids….. And…it was free. In one afternoon I could collect almost enough material to last an entire year!

For several years I had a grand vision of buying a self-contained RV and spending my golden years traveling throughout the United States like a modern day gypsy, drifting from one scenic locale to another….the ocean, the mountains, the forests…..a curious and adventure-seeking nomad. In pursuit of this dream….or fantasy… I would spend a large portion of my time checking out the many displays of self-contained motor homes. Large ones….the half-million dollar kind….and the smaller ones….the kind one could pick up for less than one hundred thousand dollars.

Of course, they had to be self-contained. There is no way I could have backed a thirty or forty foot detached mobile home into a parking space. And…..there was no way that I wanted to learn, either. When I was young, I had tried to back hay wagons up to a barn. It took me more time to get the trailer where it belonged than it did to unload the hay. When I owned a little 12 ft. aluminum boat, I couldn’t even back it up to the boat ramp. Fortunately, it was light enough that we could pick it up and carry it! But, it really didn’t make much difference……I couldn’t afford to buy anything that expensive anyways. Unless I won Power Ball…..or knocked off a fairly large bank.

But, it didn’t hurt to dream…..and let my mind wander to what could have been. Of course, I have a suspicion that most of the other people looking through these luxurious motor homes couldn’t afford them either…..so I wasn’t the only one living in a dream world.

In more recent times, I have used the State Fair as an opportunity to meet and talk with cousins whom I would probably never have the likelihood of meeting otherwise: Betty Ritterhouse, my only surviving first cousin, and her husband, Fayne; Kathy Ritterhouse, a second cousin who now lives in Texas; and Terry Christner, who lives in Hutchinson. So…it is a fortuitous occasion…..killing two birds with one stone, so to speak. They always enter several exhibits in the Fair, so I get to see a large part of the fine arts and practical arts section by looking at their entries.

Their entries into the fine arts division have motivated me to consider entering some of my own artistic handiwork. Well, almost. Every year I check to see how many stained glass entries there are. And, every year the numbers of entries are sparse. In my own mind, the masterpieces that I have created are far superior to anything I have observed at the Fair. Of course, I suppose it is true that everybody is a legend in his own mind! But, who knows? One of these years, don’t be surprised to see me proudly flaunting a couple blue ribbons.

During the years when I hosted foreign exchange students, the State Fair was one of the cultural highlights they enjoyed the most. I think celebrations such as these are a uniquely American. And it gave them a quick image or snapshot of typical American life.

The past couple years, I have met up with Fayez Alruwaili. Fayez is my friend and recurring guest from Saudi Arabia….the guy who spends his breaks and vacations at my house. My personal expert on camels, goats….and sand…..not to mention the mysterious Arab women.

On our first trip to the State Fair, we mutually agreed that we would spend only maybe four or five hours looking around. That may sound like a long time….but at a State Fair, unless you are a very, very fast walker……and very good at dodging people…..it is really not very long at all.

We more or decided to begin our tour in the southeast corner of the fair grounds at the animal and livestock barns. I not sure, but I think anybody can enter “exhibits” into the Fair by merely paying a fee…..because many of the animal exhibits have the name of the farm or ranch displayed in a prominent place as part of their exhibit. There are long “barns” to accommodate various different animals: cows, pigs, poultry, rabbits, llamas, sheep, goats……and probably others that I have overlooked. For the most part, we did a quick walk-through. After all, to us a cow is pretty much a cow. We left the finer appreciation to farmers….and the judges. Well….we did linger a little longer at the goat exhibition, now that I think about it.

Several years ago, one of my nephews from Illinois was visiting. He raises rabbits….and we spent probably two hours in the rabbits building. If you have ever spent even a few minutes looking at rabbits….rabbits of all descriptions…… you will appreciate that this is a long time to spend with a bunch of rabbits. Fayez and I didn’t even spend that long looking at the goats. We stopped at the “birthing center” in hopes that maybe we would be fortunate enough to witness a cow or a pig give birth to a baby. Of course, this type of phenomenon is not something that can not be “scheduled” at 11:00 A.M., for example. We had neither the time nor the inclination to wait around, hoping it would happen.

One of the major purposes of the State Fair is to promote and support the 4-HClubs….and other farm related youth organization. The winners from the various 4-H Fairs from around the state bring their prize winning animals….and other prize winning projects…..to the State Fair to be judged. For the members, their family and friends, this is an exciting and important event. But, Fayez and I, of course, didn’t share the same sense of drama and emotion…..and this was easy to pass up in favor of something more exciting.

It seems that almost all of the major implement and vehicle manufacturers bring their biggest, baddest, most macho equipment to show off….probably knowing that they aren’t going to sell a lot of it…..but merely to attract the attention of the people as they wander around the grounds. And, we were no exception. We stopped and stare in amazement at the larger than life tractors, tracked vehicles, farm implements…..all the stuff we certainly have no use for. We even took pictures of Fayez sitting on an old John Deer tractor and a huge half-million dollar harvester. Nothing like dreaming big. And….nothing like sitting on the back of a camel.

There are also a myriad of smaller….but no less macho….vehicles: Four-wheelers, off-road vehicles, motorcycles, ATV’s…… We didn’t buy any of them…..but I did take pictures of Fayez sitting on a few of them. I passed up the opportunity. I am manly enough driving my 2004 Suzuki.

You probably won’t be very surprised when I tell you that we saw a lot of people wearing K-State t-shirts. A State Fair seems to be tailor made for them….considering all the farm animals, farm implements, pseudo-man toys…..and all the greasy food which proliferate the Fair grounds. There is, I suppose, very little to attract the attention of K. U. graduates. There are certainly exhibits of the professional nature…..medicine, law, business, nursing, engineering…. But, they are more subtle…..not the sort of flashy exhibits that lend themselves well to the carnival atmosphere of the State Fair. In other words, there are no huge inflated balloons depicting doctors or giant statues of lawyers or fancy business or banking structures. But, now that I stop and think about it…..all the amusement rides were probably designed by K. U. engineers; and all the building which house the cows, pigs, etc. were no doubt designed by K. U. architects; and the intricate electrical system is presumable a product of K. U. electrical engineers.The State Fair abounds with exhibits: agricultural exhibits, commercial exhibits, educational exhibits, political exhibits, public service exhibits, non-profit exhibits, recreational exhibits…… If you can think of it….if it exists in Kansas….and if it is legal….you can probably find it at the State Fair.

The first year Fayez and I attended the Fair, we spent a great deal of time walking through all the exhibition pavilions….. looking at everything. For the most part, there is really no good reason to stop and examine the stuff being displayed. I mean….I am not in the market for a mattress, a Jacuzzi, a set of non-stick skillets or steel-rail fence to keep my cattle (or camels) penned up. Nor am I likely to stop to get my hearing checked or a quick prostate exam. I have no desire to change my religion or take up a new one. I am content being a United Methodist. And, why would I want to go into debt for new siding, roofing, or landscaping? These are all things you will find at the Fair.

It is all interesting, though. But….if you are in a hurry, the secret is: Keep walking. Don’t ever look a salesman in the eye. Unless, that is, you want to spend the next thirty minutes listening to a salesperson earnestly trying to sell you his product…..and asking yourself, “How did I get myself into this situation?” This is a lesson I learned long ago….probably the hard way. Just keep walking….and never display any interest in the product. Sometimes, it may be OK to look at stuff with a cheery, non-committal attitude of amusement or ignorance. “Oh…..I am just looking. I don’t have any need for it.” And….then move on with no further discussion……unless you really ARE interested.

Fayez is still learning this art….or, in his case….the science….of impersonal indifference when it comes to dealing with the vendors at the State Fair. And….it has just about drawn us into some disastrous delays. However, my quick and clever thinking has averted most of these unsavory situations by saying things like, “You really don’t need that in Saudi Arabia.” or “How are you going to get that back to Saudi Arabia?” Maybe Fayez is simply too nice and polite….and needs to be come more callous in dealing with these over-eager salespersons. But….I can imagine that two or three unwanted, lengthy sales talks will to the trick. It is sort of like…..You only have to touch a hot stove once to learn a lesson.

There are two exhibits or booths that I actively and purposely seek out, however. They are the University of Kansas booth….and the Democratic Party booth. Both of these exhibits give away free things that I actually want! Pen, pencils, posters, bookmarks, note pads…..desirable little trinkets and souvenirs. And, also an excellent place to have your picture taken.

Outside, a person can roam through the exhibits rather freely. The cars, trucks, the farm machinery, the RV’s….. These salespeople are normally only interested in talking with people who seek them out…..people who are actually interested in spending a great deal of money. I am pretty sure they are smart enough to realize that not everybody needs a new combine or a five-ton truck or a half-million dollar self-contained motor home.

Undoubtedly, two of the most popular and traditional exhibits are the famous butter sculpture….and the equally renowned largest pumpkin. They aren’t very interactive…but they are appealing in their own red-neck way. Both of these attractions are found in the same building that displays the agricultural produce exhibits. Nobody is going to try to sell you anything. But, on the other hand, unless you are in the farming business, it is usually only worth a cursory look. I think Fayez would have found it to be more interesting is there had been some dates or figs on display.

Probably the exhibition that Fayez and I enjoyed the most is the Fine Arts Pavilion. This is the building that houses the handiwork of hundreds of talented Kansans. In this venue you will find paintings,

photography, crafts….dozens of different categories of artistic endeavor. Although there is one section of professional photography and one section of professional paintings…..by vast majority of the exhibits are being displayed by people who are simply showcasing their individual talents…..the product of their own unique hobby or pastime.

Every year when I go to the State Fair, I can’t help but notice that there is never a lot of stained glass art on display. I have promised myself…or at least suggested to myself…..that next year I am going to enter some of my own stained class masterpieces.

Walking around the Fair grounds can be tiring, and around 1:00 or so, Fayez and I started looking for a place to sit down and rest for a while….and eat. If you have been to a State Fair in recent years, you already know the almost limitless choices of food from which there is to choose. And, the overwhelming majority of these options can very accurately be described as calorie laden, cholesterol heavy, artery-clogging, heart attack inducing….junk food. If you haven’t had the joy and excitement of attending a State Fair, let me give you a list….and an incomplete list…..of food you can choose from:

Belgian waffle on a stick; deep friend Oreo cookies; deep fried banana split; funnel cake; chocolate-covered bacon; chicken fried bacon; corn dogs; fried avocados; deep fried Twinkies…… You think I am joking or making this up?   Check it out for yourself, and you will agree that this is only a partial listing. Just look around…..you can probably find a dozen more such culinary concoctions that are almost guaranteed to require a 9-1-1 call.

Fayez and I, being of reasonably sound mind and intelligence, opted not to indulge in any of these scrumptious delicacies. The first year we attended the State Fair, we ate in a popular Mongolian restaurant. This was a good choice. You choose your own raw meat and raw vegetables along with the sauce or dressing of your choice…..put it all in a bowl…..an take it to the grill to be….well….grilled.

Somehow I assumed that Fayez understood this process….and neglected to explain the procedure. My mistake. My memory is getting rather hazy on this matter…..but I think we got the problem corrected in time for him to start over and do it right. In the end…..it really didn’t make much difference. Fayez is a great lover of guacamole….and over a period of time, because of his influence, I also came to like it, too…..a lot.

So, when it came time to choose the dressing for our vegetables and meat, we almost instinctively chose the green sauce. Guacamole would be the perfect seasoning for our Mongolian buffet. And…..we both topped our bowls with a lot of it! I was the first one to take my bowl of raw ingredients to the grill to be fried. The cook who took my bowl looked at me and said, “Man, you must like hot food.” I had no idea what he was talking about, so I just looked at him and said nothing. And….he didn’t offer any more comments or advice.

Fayez was close behind me, and he also handed his bowl of vegetables and meat to a cook. My food was finished first, and the guy put everything back into the bowl and handed it to me….. I sat down….and being the polite guy that I am……I waited for Fayez to sit down before I took a bite of my food. Actually, I think both of us more or less took a bite of our food simultaneously. And, we both looked at each other with a look of shock! Something was wrong…..terribly wrong. The food was HOT…..blazing hot.

Let me take another taste….just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating. No…..I definitely was not. It was hot. Something had gone dreadfully wrong! We had both topped our bowls with a generous volume of Wasabi sauce! We sat and looked at each other in disbelief for a minute or two. I told the waitress…..and she said, “Yes….other people have that mistake, too.”

“Don’t you think it would be a good idea to identify the sauce…..so other people don’t make the same mistake?”

“Yes….we are going to put a little sign up…..later today.”

Well……Good Luck to all the other people who made the same mistake….and had their taste buds assaulted. I went ahead and ate my food…..very slowly….and accompanied with a generous amount of water. Fayez refused to eat his. The waitress told him he could throw it away and get new food. I urged him to do this……but he didn’t do it. He just went hungry.

The lesson we learned? Looks can be deceiving. Just because something is green and looks like guacamole doesn’t necessarily mean that it guacamole. I mean…..Just because it looks like a duck….it may not quack like a duck.

The second year we went to the Fair, we opted to eat in Yoder….a little Amish community southeast of Hutchinson. Initially, my motive for taking Fayez there was so he could see some authentic Amish people…..the way they dress, the way they live….and above all….the horse and buggies many of them still use as a means of transportation. But, as it turned out, by far the biggest attraction in Yoder is their famous restaurant, Carriage Crossroads. Quite frankly, I had never heard of it before…..but many other people had. People I wouldn’t except to know that kind of thing.

We took the short drive to Yoder in the early afternoon after we left the State Fair. The restaurant was not difficult to find. In fact, it was had to miss. It was located just off the highway…..and the parking lot was full of cars…..and I mean it was packed with cars. Wow! This really must be a famous place. As we approached the restaurant we encountered a long line of people waiting to be seated at a table. Fayez gave the waitress our name…..and we were told that we would have approximately a 40 minute wait.

We used that time to drive to “downtown” Yoder to take a look. I had been there before…..but decades ago. Quite frankly, I didn’t remember it being so small….and empty. But….it was. In fact, the small business area consisted of only a handful of stores and shops…..and it was almost completely deserted. First of all, it was a Saturday afternoon, and apparently Amish people are at home either working or resting. I later found out that the best time to “Amish watch” is in the morning when farmers come to town to meet each other and to transact their business before going back to their farms to begin their day’s work.

Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, we were finally ushered to our table. Waitresses and waiters were bustling around, doing an efficient job of taking care of the packed dining room.

Fayez and I ordered our food…..and I don’t recall what it was. But, in all honesty, I have to report that the food was nothing special…..not as spectacular as its reputation would suggest. It was delicious….and it was plentiful……but all in all, it was just “food”. For some reason there is a mystique surrounding anything  labeled as “Amish”. The perception is, I suppose, that because these people are known for being so hard-working and honest, everything they do must be somewhat superior to anything found in the “outside world”. The experience of eating at Country Crossroads was satisfying and offbeat……but if I had my choice, I would eat at The Golden Corral any old day.

It is difficult to do justice to the atmosphere and scope of the State Fair. It is probably best to go check it out for yourself. But…keep in mind: If you want the full perspective….the deluxe experience……plan on being there for several hours. Unless, of course, you can walk very fast….and you don’t mind knocking down a few old ladies and elderly people! Most of the people who go to the Fair do not seem to be in any hurry….they tend to block aisles, stop and talk to each other directly in your chosen path, take their time inspecting junk they have no intention of buying….and sometimes it may be somewhat frustrating to the person who is in a hurry. So, it is better to relax and go with the flow. Or better yet…..become one of those people you would like to knock out of your way. There must be a certain amount of satisfaction in making life miserable for others.

There are a number of State Fair icons that you must look at…..if you want to receive maximum of benefit for your time and money. Icons such as the largest pumpkin, the butter sculpture, the chain-saw artist, the pig races, Ye Olde Mill…..an attraction that has been part of the Fair…well…forever….. And, to a lesser extent the marching bands, the political debates, the rickety old grandstand, the train ride through the Fair grounds. And…..I don’t know if one would call them icons…..but the unique and somewhat bizarre junk food. How can you visit the State Fair without at least sampling a snow cone or a corn dog?

For the regular Fair goer, like me….after a couple years, everything becomes more familiar….and manageable. The various categories of exhibits have their own little domain…..and they don’t change from year to year. So for a person who has a descent size memory…..like Fayez, for example…..it makes it easier to organize your day more efficiently….only looking at those things that interest you. But, the first time you go…..take your time and see it all.

A word of caution: If you plan to drive to Hutchinson, check into a motel and stay all night……..Forget it! You are not going to find a room anywhere in Hutchinson. Motel rooms are booked a year in advance. In fact, one motel owner told Fayez and me that he won’t even consider renting a motel room to an individual Fair goer. ALL of his rooms are reserved for vendors, workers, and other people connected with the Fair in an official capacity.

The second weekend, I attended the State Fair alone. In contrast with the week that Fayez and I were there….this was a cold, rainy, blustery morning. Not a very festive day. But, nevertheless, a few hardy people were on hand when I arrived. My purpose of going the second weekend was not so much to see the State Fair……but to meet my cousins and to visit with them. They had already commandeered a bench inside the Fine Arts Building by the time I arrived. We spent the larger part of the morning sitting and talking…..out of the wind and rain.

They are a very artistic family…..and they always enter several projects to be judged….photography, painting, historical exhibits, sewing projects…… If I missed anything the previous week……I have an ample opportunity to catch up while I am with them.

Around 1:00, as I was heading back to my car, I took a stroll through some of the exhibits that I didn’t have time to investigate….or didn’t take the time to investigate.

But……this only proves that there is something for everybody at the Kansas State Fair….even a guy from the deserts of Saudi Arabia! Yes…..there is virtually something for everybody to enjoy: carnival rides, junk food, exhibits, live entertainment, pig races, wood sculpture……. You are going to enjoy all of it…..if you don’t mind walking around amid a sea of K-State shirts!